
Your Attitude Is Contagious
Aug 24, 2021Last week we started deciphering the quote:
"Of all of the things you cannot control, the most important things you can are your thoughts, attitudes, and actions." - Steve Cunningham
Since there is so much packed into this quote, we are going to take a few weeks to break down some practical steps to applying the ideas we find in this proverb! Last week we looked at how to control our thoughts by identifying the negative thoughts, finding the triggers that lead to negative thoughts, replacing the negative thoughts with your overall goal, speaking the goal simply, clearly, and with a proclamation. and repeating this process often! This week we are going to look at how to control our attitude.
Have you ever noticed that we often blame our attitude on other situations or people without taking responsibility for our own attitude? Do any of these statements sound familiar to you:
"That person really made me mad!"
"Nothing went right this morning and now I am in a bad mood."
"Stupid drivers on the road are making me angry today!"
"I've been depressed ever since I lost that deal."
"You would make me the happiest person on the planet if you would ________."
Do any of these statements sound somewhat familiar? That's because we live in a society where it is acceptable to blame other situations and people for our own attitudes. The truth is, you and I are both capable of controlling our attitude. In fact, the opposite is actually really frightening! imagine that you have zero control over your attitude and it is completely dependent upon how others interact with you and what happens to you that day. If that were the case, you and I would be easy targets for manipulators to control! But, this is not the case! Let me repeat again, you are in control of your attitude no matter what happens around you!
Before I get into the practical steps of how to control your attitude, I think it is best to define some terms so we are talking about the same thing.
Attitude vs Emotions:
The dictionary defines attitude as "a tendency or orientation, especially of the mind." Your attitude is started in your mind and works its way out from there. I personally love that the definition includes the words "tendency" and "orientation." What is the tendency of your attitude? Are you pessimistic? Distrusting? On-edge? Easily irritated? Do you expect to be disappointed? If any of those things describe your tendency, then it is likely that you experience a lot of 'negative days.' Your attitude is your long-term default setting. It is what you naturally go to when you first wake up in the morning, what centers you through the day, and where you find yourself at the end of the evening.
In a small, but very important contrast, the dictionary defines emotions as "an affective state of consciousness in which joy, sorrow, fear, hate, or the like, is experienced." Our emotions are often our first response to a situation or event. It could be that you witness something sad and then begin to cry. Maybe your team scores the winning point at the end of the game and you cheer and jump up and down. Maybe someone cuts you off in traffic causing you to swerve to avoid hitting them and your heart races as you yell a few choice words. The difference between attitude and emotions is that your attitude is more long-term and stable whereas emotions are more short-term and fleeting.
Why is this an important distinction?
Because the goal of controlling your attitude does not mean you will be a robot that never feels sad, hurt, joy, or fear. Rather, controlling your attitude means that those fleeting feelings do not override your orientation on life. Put in a different way, just because you had something bad happen this morning doesn't mean you are going to have a bad day, week, or month.
This point is illustrated clearly in the story of Brandt Jean whose brother, Botham Jean, was tragically shot and killed by Amber Guyger on September 6, 2018. Botham was sitting alone in his apartment eating a bowl of ice cream when Amber opened up the door to what she thought was her apartment, saw Botham sitting down, and opened fire on the unarmed man. Within just a few moments time, Amber realized that the apartment was not hers and that she had fatally shot an innocent man in his own home.
Can you imagine what Bothams family felt? Extreme grief, anger, confusion, and the list could go on! And, they had every right to feel those feelings. But they did not allow feelings to direct their orientation. On the stand, as Botham's brother was questioned, he looked at Amber and said,
"If you truly are sorry— know I can speak for myself—I, I forgive you. And I know if you go to God and ask Him, He will forgive you. I love you just like anyone else. I’m not going to say I hope you rot and die, just like my brother did. I personally want the best for you."
After this, Botham's brother asked the judge if he was allowed to give Amber a hug and that is exactly what happened! Brandt Jean gave the woman who killed his brother a long hug and reminded her that she was forgiven and loved. Wow!
That doesn't happen by accident. That doesn't happen based on emotions. That happened because Brandt Jean had an attitude of forgiveness already. It was his orientation. It was the tendency he had already created.
I hope you never have to experience anything to the level of the Jean family, but their story proves the point of how we can control our attitude even when our emotions come out. That being said, here are some practical ways you can start to build an attitude of gratitude:
1) Identify Your Current Orientation. A part of figuring out where you want to go is knowing where you are starting. Maybe your current attitude is pretty good and you just need to shift some things. Maybe your current attitude needs a little more of an overhaul. Maybe you have typically thought of your attitude as being dependent on what is happening to you from outside sources. Whatever the case is for you, it is important to come to terms with it and acknowledge your starting point. And just remember, just because it is where you are now, doesn't mean you have to stay there!
2) Daily Remind Yourself Of What You Are Grateful For. Some people write this down, others want to set a goal of writing down 3 or 5 things they are thankful for every day. It doesn't matter what method you choose, the most important thing is that you are daily concentrating on the things you are grateful for in your life. Our lives can be so busy that we can lose sight of all the good things, so having that daily reminder will help orient you to a more stable attitude.
3) Differentiate Between Your Emotions And Your Attitude. This one is critical! If my children upset me because they did not listen and obey when I asked them to do something, it is okay to be upset. But I don't have to stay upset! And, I don't have to let that ruin my day. It is okay to address how I feel about what they did and then return to the orientation of my attitude. The key is to remember that your feelings do not need to manipulate your destination!
4) Surround Yourself With People Who Have A Positive Attitude. I heard it once said that you are the sum of the people you surround yourself with. My mom used to tell me, "Show me your friends and I'll show you your future." The bottom line, the people you surround yourself with either help you build an attitude of gratitude or help perpetuate the idea that you are not in control of your attitude. Surround yourself with people who you admire and who have oriented their attitudes towards positivity rather than negativity.
Why does all this matter? Why am I trying to emphasize the importance of controlling your attitude? Zig Ziglar says it best "The more you complain about your problems, the more problems you will have to complain about." Our attitude, or tendency and orientation on life, will either lead us to a life focusing on problems, fear, worry, and stress or to a life of gratitude, fulfillment, joy, and peace! And here is the great news... it's all under your control!
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