Here's What You Can Control

There is no doubt that life can be hectic and stressful from time to time, but if you are like most people those stressors have increased a bit more since March 2020.  Political tension, racial tension, medical uncertainties of COVID are just a few of the things that have probably lead to more unrest in your personal and professional life.  It has been reported that since March 2020 depression rates have tripled in the United States (https://www.cidrap.umn.edu/news-perspective/2020/09/depression-triples-us-adults-amid-covid-19-stressors). 

Here is a simple truth, you didn't need a global pandemic to stress you out.  Stress can find you anywhere and stress, along with doubts, worry, comparison, regret, and negativity can wind up taking you out of your business and your life! That is why today's proverb is so important:

 "Of all of the things you cannot control, the most important things you can are your thoughts, attitudes, and actions."  - Steve Cunningham

Ok, yes, this quote is from me.  I use to be a mental health counselor and this was a phrase I often would tell my clients when they were overwhelmed by the stresses of life.  And, it's 100% true!  Here are some normal things that people would come to my office and share their stress and anxiety about:

-Money

-Spouse

-Children

-Inlaws/Relatives 

-Past hurts from childhood

And the list could go on and on! You can now add to that pandemic stress, political stress, and a general fear of the unknown.  All of those stressor can add up quickly and, if you try to bear the weight of and control them, you will feel quickly overwhelmed!  That is why today's proverb is really important. Over the next 3 weeks, we will be breaking down this proverb into some small and practical steps for your life and business! 

Repeat after me: I cannot control other people, their responses, or many of the things that happen to me. 

Like it or not, this is just a simple reality. The sooner you come to terms with this, the less overwhelmed and stressed you will feel! There are, however things you CAN control, so let's focus on those:

Controlling your thoughts:  Ask yourself the following questions - 

When someone does something I don't like, do I instantly think they did it on purpose to upset me?

Do I often feel distrusting of others? 

Do I feel dissatisfied with what I have or who I am? 

Do I tend to believe the best, or the worst, of others? 

What do you think about the future of your life or business?

When you meet a potential client or prepare to make a call, do you tend to dread outcomes or look forward to them?

When we are filled with thoughts that are largely negative, we can actually reinforce those negative thoughts because we are actively looking for them.  In the realm of psychology, we call this a self-fulfilling prophecy.  This means that the more negatively you think about certain things, the more likely you will see or experience those things.  However, when your thoughts are more positive in nature, you will see or experience a more positive outcome. Therefore, it is imperative to retrain your brain to think positively in situations where you might have tended to think negatively before.  This is where positive affirmations and self-talk can come in handy.  Here are some helpful examples:

Let's say you want to lose weight, but it has been a long battle for you for many years.  You have tried dieting and lost weight before, but you always seemed to gain it back plus a little more.  Maybe some of your negative thoughts sound like this:

 - Diets and/or exercise don't really work for me. 

- I just cannot lose weight.

 - I'll always be overweight, it's in my family. 

 - I'd lose weight, but I don't like exercising. 

 - I could lose weight, but I like junk food too much.

All of these thoughts are negatively impacting your ultimate goal of losing weight and setting you up for failure long before you actually try to implement any changes. Here is another example:

Let's say you want to grow your business by 10 transactions next year. Last year you did not make your goal and you had a few clients that really took the wind out of your sails.  In addition, you noticed another real estate agent who was achieving at a higher level than you, but you felt like they were not working as hard as you have been. Maybe some of your negative thoughts sounded like:

- I doubt I can increase my transactions that much. Maybe I will just settle for the same amount as last year.

- Why am I trying harder than ________ but nothing is paying off?

- It seems like I attract terrible clients.

- I'm not going to make that call today, they will probably say no anyway.

- What is the point? This isn't going to work out!

Have you had some thoughts like that before? If so, you're not alone! The key, however, is to replace those negative thoughts with thoughts that will help you focus on positive outcomes. And, there are a few steps to help you achieve that goal:

1) Identify the negative thoughts:  You cannot change something that remains identified.  So, the question is, do you see areas where you have negative thoughts? The first step is to begin to notice and identify those thoughts.  it might be helpful to keep a journal and, when the negative thoughts begin to play in your mind, write them out.  In writing them out, you may see a clear pattern to those thoughts which will be helpful for the next step!  

2) Find the triggers: It is likely that there are 'triggers' that lead to negative thoughts.  Triggers can be anything from people to situations to feelings.  For instance, if you have negative thoughts around losing weight, triggers could be anything from getting dressed in the morning (maybe your clothes don't fit as they should) to seeing Facebook or Instagram posts from folks that are more fit and healthy than you feel about yourself. Finding the triggers will allow you to begin replacing the negative thoughts before they begin rolling around in your brain.

3) Replace the negative with the goal: Some people will say that you need to replace the negative thought with a positive thought.  While that can be a good idea, sometimes the positive thought is not anything you will actually believe and therefore will not truly help you. For instance, if your negative thought around weight loss is that you don't like to exercise, it will not work for you to say "I love exercising." You know you don't like it. You have already expressed that for a while and your mind will instantly reject that as a fallacy. Instead, try replacing that negative thought with the goal: "I will use exercise to help me reach my goal weight of 165 lbs." or "Exercising is tough, but I am capable of doing tough things." 

4) Speak the goal simply, clearly, and with a proclamation: As with all goals you set, they should be simple, clear, and measurable.  But, as you replace the negative talk with positive talk, it is also important to speak the positive talk as a proclamation.  The dictionary defines the word proclamation as "to declare or declare to be solemnly, officially, or formally." Not only should you reframe the negative thoughts with a goal, but declaring the goal over your life, future or outcomes is powerful! It might sound silly, but if you dread making calls to potential clients, try reframing your thoughts by saying out loud "I am a talented and resourceful real estate agent who gives a quality service to people needing to sell or buy a home" before each call.  By stating these thoughts you will eventually 'edit over' the old negative thoughts in your mind and replace them with new, positive thoughts! 

5) Rinse and Repeat: This process is a lot like taking a bath - it is necessary to repeat often! If you are a human (and I am assuming you are) you will need to repeat steps 1-4 many, many times! It is quite possible that when you start the process of changing your negative thoughts to positive ones, you will spend a lot of time each day stopping yourself and correcting the way you think.  However, if you are diligent, over time this will take both less effort and less time. 

While there are a lot of things in your life that you cannot control you can, in fact, control your thoughts! Next week we will explore how to control your attitude and how to cultivate an attitude of gratitude. 

and now on to our newest resources for the week: 

(Remember, sometimes these resources may show up in our Realtor Shop, but ALL of them are included as a part of your PYRE Membership!)

1) Kitchen Conversions Postcards: Not only is this a great educational piece, but it is also another touch-point for you and your clients and sphere of influence! Stay top-of-mind at the top of their fridge with this useful resource!

Did you know we are here for you?! Our main goal is to provide top-quality resources at affordable prices in a way that is quick and convenient for real estate agents! So, if there are resources that would help you connect with your clients, let us know! We are not only here for you, but we are cheering for you!